And with today.. 2nd month of 2009 is out into history...
given that I posted this on 28th IST though it got logged on 27th PST
Friday, February 27, 2009
tentative friday
Day last of Feb is here... and I am on the edge of my seat...
Amma called in the morning and asked me not to get tense about the move, that I should relax and just identify things to carry and mainly things to dispose off in the kitchen that could get spoilt...
I felt a bit reassured though I was still not mentally prepared to have my list of items ready that I need to transport later whenever necessary. The main issue for me was not to lose anything in the transportation and the expenses bit.
I probably am a bit more worried about the losing part, and ofcourse the expenses also that I need to incur if I move there.
But there are no other options I see for now.
Amma called in the morning and asked me not to get tense about the move, that I should relax and just identify things to carry and mainly things to dispose off in the kitchen that could get spoilt...
I felt a bit reassured though I was still not mentally prepared to have my list of items ready that I need to transport later whenever necessary. The main issue for me was not to lose anything in the transportation and the expenses bit.
I probably am a bit more worried about the losing part, and ofcourse the expenses also that I need to incur if I move there.
But there are no other options I see for now.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
sleep deprivation
I remembered a report about Parzania in which it was mentioned about Sarika's acting - how she acted the part of knowing that she was going mad, hearing about the disappearance of her son, but still maintained herself as a normal individual...
Something of this sort hit me last night... I was caught up trying to unravel the whole issue of this relocation, whether the company is really wanting to relieve me of my services in case I say that I can't relocate - what if I did that, who should I talk to, who will listen to me, what scenario should I present.... what I need to say, how can I justify what I say... should I justify or not...
it was really a maddening situation... I knew I was losing my sense of collective thoughts and not able to coherently keep my thoughts about what I should do.
I have been wanting to clean up my place but I have not been able to focus on anything... always thinking that I will have some more to do when it really comes to that...
- cleaning up the kitchen is the biggest issue. there is much we have that could get spoilt if left unattended.. so that needs to be taken care of... items like rice, dal, jeera, jaggery need to be taken care of sooner..
Then there are containers to pack.
the gunny sacks need to be cleaned up.. hopefully i will leave by 3 today and get back to do the gunny sack work..
had a short chat with the guy who pushed me into this. Today he was sounding a little off the edge so somehow some relief is in the head though i think it is still a hallucination of mine...
Something of this sort hit me last night... I was caught up trying to unravel the whole issue of this relocation, whether the company is really wanting to relieve me of my services in case I say that I can't relocate - what if I did that, who should I talk to, who will listen to me, what scenario should I present.... what I need to say, how can I justify what I say... should I justify or not...
it was really a maddening situation... I knew I was losing my sense of collective thoughts and not able to coherently keep my thoughts about what I should do.
I have been wanting to clean up my place but I have not been able to focus on anything... always thinking that I will have some more to do when it really comes to that...
- cleaning up the kitchen is the biggest issue. there is much we have that could get spoilt if left unattended.. so that needs to be taken care of... items like rice, dal, jeera, jaggery need to be taken care of sooner..
Then there are containers to pack.
the gunny sacks need to be cleaned up.. hopefully i will leave by 3 today and get back to do the gunny sack work..
had a short chat with the guy who pushed me into this. Today he was sounding a little off the edge so somehow some relief is in the head though i think it is still a hallucination of mine...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
risk it or not
while returning back, got on a wrong route bus 321 going to SantaCruz... was wondering in that journey.. what if I take a risk and tell them that I Can't go to Pune..
what if I took the economic and financial situation option which is already putting me into a corner and risking the job loss...
should I do it or not?
alternatives are maybe a tuition option with tutorvista; maybe some option with Ajay P's company?
there will be a fight, but at least maybe I can take some time out to go visit bujju???
what if I took this risk??
some direction some sign i need...
what if I took the economic and financial situation option which is already putting me into a corner and risking the job loss...
should I do it or not?
alternatives are maybe a tuition option with tutorvista; maybe some option with Ajay P's company?
there will be a fight, but at least maybe I can take some time out to go visit bujju???
what if I took this risk??
some direction some sign i need...
eventful Tuesday.. and Wednesday
Days are passing by and the pressure on me is increasing...
I am probably creating more internal pressure than I should 'cos in the absence of the right information and also the right trusted contacts that I could speak to to vent it out, I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with what is happening to me right now...
basically, the issues are
a. I am not with my bujju in the times that I probably should be with her.. and that I feel I want to be with her to feel the changes she is going through and be her through it
b. I am not in a position to call for any kind of a decision for my own sake and am totally feeling bound by circumstances.. never before have I felt so bad, though I did feel compelled in the early days when I was in Tata Infotech and I was asked to go onsite at short notice periods. That was a time when I used to feel that my freedom and mu life is getting dictated by things out of my control... but never before have I felt any more forced to be humiliated in a way I feel now...
Given the deep resentment that has engulfed me with this move to Pune, and also seeing the amount of pressure that is getting built on the delivery of the project workload, I am looking at the deep sea and the devil at the same time and finding myself getting squeezed in this fast crunching space....
I am getting more worried about not being able to spend time with Bujji and my new baby... very worried.
What will I tell the baby - that I was not with them in the early years? that my work was more important at that time? or that I was very unmanaged, have been lousy to not being able to ensure that things were kept smooth for myself and the family... I feel ashamed...
The stress signs are now being seen slowly.. hair-fall increase, forgetfulness - these seem to be impacting me but I am sure some of it is my own internal creation for not being in control of my emotions.
More than my internal tention, some people like Midha have been dishing out crap and I decided today after I spoke to him, to keep away from him. For he is probably one of those informers that he keeps talking about, very senselessly, non-sensically.. pointing fingers at others as though he is the shrink who everyone comes and refers to... he is a more pathetic state when he talks, and I need to keep my sanity intact...
on Tuesday, dropped in a mail indicating the reimbursement of payment for my relocation to be given in the next year, but they are not willing to do that either. I am hopelessly disappointed with this kind of an attitude that I would not have expected from a professional organization.
another big disappointment came later in the day when I reached home and found that my landline was disconnected due to non payment of bill.
Pathetically MTNL has a lousy process and they have not re-presented the cheque that bounced because it was presented a day in advance at ICICI.
These days, the different companies are simply squeezing people's lives one way or another and only those who are potentially well connected or have the money power to show off survive and get away with everything.
That's the reality into which my baby is taking shape and life.... I hope things will be better for it in the times to come.
Then today, I found time to figure out a number of the accounts office of MTNL after frantic calling 2-3 numbers that were floating around their web site.
The lady there stated that since my cheque bounced, the line had been disconnected. I had to make a payment by 4pm, and when I had called it was just 330pm. I rushed to the Saki vihar exchange to make this cash payment of Rs. 881/- + Rs. 20/- penalty to get my line back..
which i will have to eventually disconnect or tone down to just a phone with no broadband - in about 10 days.
I am feeling so wretched.. to see my roots being pulled out.. roots I myself was not happy with in a way, but such a violent change.. a big lesson.
Another shake up was to relocate my seating from my airy lighted up Unit 1 2nd floor seat to the dingy light and life less 1st floor... a place I dreaded if ever I was given that location in the beginning, but apparently, now it seems all those things I dread are coming to fruit... which makes me VERY VERY SCARED...
I just pray every day these days... pray for better times now that I have learnt my lesson to be more active in life.. that I had been avoiding for the last 3 years...
God pls. get me back on a stronger base.. with a better life... which I will have to now plan for.
I am probably creating more internal pressure than I should 'cos in the absence of the right information and also the right trusted contacts that I could speak to to vent it out, I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with what is happening to me right now...
basically, the issues are
a. I am not with my bujju in the times that I probably should be with her.. and that I feel I want to be with her to feel the changes she is going through and be her through it
b. I am not in a position to call for any kind of a decision for my own sake and am totally feeling bound by circumstances.. never before have I felt so bad, though I did feel compelled in the early days when I was in Tata Infotech and I was asked to go onsite at short notice periods. That was a time when I used to feel that my freedom and mu life is getting dictated by things out of my control... but never before have I felt any more forced to be humiliated in a way I feel now...
Given the deep resentment that has engulfed me with this move to Pune, and also seeing the amount of pressure that is getting built on the delivery of the project workload, I am looking at the deep sea and the devil at the same time and finding myself getting squeezed in this fast crunching space....
I am getting more worried about not being able to spend time with Bujji and my new baby... very worried.
What will I tell the baby - that I was not with them in the early years? that my work was more important at that time? or that I was very unmanaged, have been lousy to not being able to ensure that things were kept smooth for myself and the family... I feel ashamed...
The stress signs are now being seen slowly.. hair-fall increase, forgetfulness - these seem to be impacting me but I am sure some of it is my own internal creation for not being in control of my emotions.
More than my internal tention, some people like Midha have been dishing out crap and I decided today after I spoke to him, to keep away from him. For he is probably one of those informers that he keeps talking about, very senselessly, non-sensically.. pointing fingers at others as though he is the shrink who everyone comes and refers to... he is a more pathetic state when he talks, and I need to keep my sanity intact...
on Tuesday, dropped in a mail indicating the reimbursement of payment for my relocation to be given in the next year, but they are not willing to do that either. I am hopelessly disappointed with this kind of an attitude that I would not have expected from a professional organization.
another big disappointment came later in the day when I reached home and found that my landline was disconnected due to non payment of bill.
Pathetically MTNL has a lousy process and they have not re-presented the cheque that bounced because it was presented a day in advance at ICICI.
These days, the different companies are simply squeezing people's lives one way or another and only those who are potentially well connected or have the money power to show off survive and get away with everything.
That's the reality into which my baby is taking shape and life.... I hope things will be better for it in the times to come.
Then today, I found time to figure out a number of the accounts office of MTNL after frantic calling 2-3 numbers that were floating around their web site.
The lady there stated that since my cheque bounced, the line had been disconnected. I had to make a payment by 4pm, and when I had called it was just 330pm. I rushed to the Saki vihar exchange to make this cash payment of Rs. 881/- + Rs. 20/- penalty to get my line back..
which i will have to eventually disconnect or tone down to just a phone with no broadband - in about 10 days.
I am feeling so wretched.. to see my roots being pulled out.. roots I myself was not happy with in a way, but such a violent change.. a big lesson.
Another shake up was to relocate my seating from my airy lighted up Unit 1 2nd floor seat to the dingy light and life less 1st floor... a place I dreaded if ever I was given that location in the beginning, but apparently, now it seems all those things I dread are coming to fruit... which makes me VERY VERY SCARED...
I just pray every day these days... pray for better times now that I have learnt my lesson to be more active in life.. that I had been avoiding for the last 3 years...
God pls. get me back on a stronger base.. with a better life... which I will have to now plan for.
Monday, February 23, 2009
another tense day
As each day passes, my tension is rising.. that there is being no proper communication with the people of the delivery team and that they have put everything on people who are to be relocated sounds so very unprofessional...
but then, this company has not shown the professionalism yet, stinginess and frugality tending to mendicancy... yes!
nevertheless, I am yet to plan my regular weekend returns from Pune in the event I get there next week onwards.
today being Shivratri, it sure began well, put music on, got some clothes ironed and got the carpenter to fix the trolley handle.
then decided to give another opening that came up a chance, let's hope there is some progress in that arena and that the company is a good one to think about joining.
The domain seems to be the most upcoming one and I am hoping I can actually get hands on in that domain!
before I left, watched the live telecast of the Oscars.. and surprisingly.. India was on top with the all Indian crew of Slumdog Millionaire... A R Rahman and Gulzar, of all people, getting Oscar awards.. not sure what the jury figured was cool about the whole plot, but nevertheless, if it's a white man selling world wares, the wares sell better...
on the new baby front.. Bujju says alls fine and so we are into the 10th week... more tense moments ahead with work, and then this... taking leave is the issue I am worried about, if I continue in this company/project... but if I quit, it might be a little bigger issue..
will have to live this risky life for a bit... with all the chances I can get... so help me Lord!
but then, this company has not shown the professionalism yet, stinginess and frugality tending to mendicancy... yes!
nevertheless, I am yet to plan my regular weekend returns from Pune in the event I get there next week onwards.
today being Shivratri, it sure began well, put music on, got some clothes ironed and got the carpenter to fix the trolley handle.
then decided to give another opening that came up a chance, let's hope there is some progress in that arena and that the company is a good one to think about joining.
The domain seems to be the most upcoming one and I am hoping I can actually get hands on in that domain!
before I left, watched the live telecast of the Oscars.. and surprisingly.. India was on top with the all Indian crew of Slumdog Millionaire... A R Rahman and Gulzar, of all people, getting Oscar awards.. not sure what the jury figured was cool about the whole plot, but nevertheless, if it's a white man selling world wares, the wares sell better...
on the new baby front.. Bujju says alls fine and so we are into the 10th week... more tense moments ahead with work, and then this... taking leave is the issue I am worried about, if I continue in this company/project... but if I quit, it might be a little bigger issue..
will have to live this risky life for a bit... with all the chances I can get... so help me Lord!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Confusing 22nd
Considering all aspects of the move to Pune, I am still very confused about how this whole thing is going to work....
I am confused as to how I will get
- my home loan change work done - needs follow up with IDBI all through.
- my travel budget worked out if I need to travel every weekend spending 450/- and also be able to reach office on time so far on the outskirts of the city
- the kitchen cleaned up
- the clothes arranged for any eventual move
- sort out the items individually for moving and transportation
- make the list I have been wanting to make but never got started on
i seem to be in a big mess and just typing out all about it instead of doing any work on it.
what is eating me out is I will have nothing to save in this new setup and there will be no variable component this time, so basically I will have to scrounge!!!!
I just don't know who in the company can even listen to me, let alone help!!!
I am confused as to how I will get
- my home loan change work done - needs follow up with IDBI all through.
- my travel budget worked out if I need to travel every weekend spending 450/- and also be able to reach office on time so far on the outskirts of the city
- the kitchen cleaned up
- the clothes arranged for any eventual move
- sort out the items individually for moving and transportation
- make the list I have been wanting to make but never got started on
i seem to be in a big mess and just typing out all about it instead of doing any work on it.
what is eating me out is I will have nothing to save in this new setup and there will be no variable component this time, so basically I will have to scrounge!!!!
I just don't know who in the company can even listen to me, let alone help!!!
eventful 21st
21st Feb came and went...
I spent the day in a sort of dazed confusion... went to a cybercafe in the morning spent 45 min. answering office mail and finding out if anyone was available to offer a place to share/rent
found one guy close to Vishal's place; office guy renting out a row house arrangement charging 4000 for 1 bed, 1 cupboard, TV + internet connection, maid extra, washing on one's own, travel on one's own and no electricity bill for now...
the day was mostly spent outside, so didn't get to write much
then at 230, left for a drive around the city to know which location is where, and how accessible... Vishal was very kind enough to drive me around the city and we clocked 52 km in 1.5 hours around the highway and to the office location.
Mrudula got discharged from the hospital around 12pm - after her bout of asthma cure.
So hopefully Vishal too will get some time out to rest later.
Left for bus depot around 530pm and got the bus at 630pm
Shivneri though run by MSRTC, they too fleece people in various pretexts..
charge Rs. 200/- if you buy cash ticket right when the bus comes. Charge Rs. 225/- if you buy at the booking counter...
cheap mentality but there are limited options to get back to Bombay from there.. station is way too far, so is the location on the highway.
People definitely need a vehicle of their own to make it work in this city.
Saw Vishal's bike. Well maintained. Will need a run and some servicing to get it in working state. Will have to shell out some amount for that and thus, cancel the TATA AIG Mahalife plan for now...
Didn't call home or Berhampur... no time and was too paranoid about the phone expenses...
reached Dadar at 930, had dinner at BAbu mama's and slept there.
Spoke to Amma and Bujju and explained the state of affairs... esp. told amma about Vishal's diabetic condition... can't believe him getting afflicted by it... hope the good forces get him out of it soon.
Babu mama is one other human who has a story of his own.. maybe when I get more time to write...
and today, back from Dadar at 940; swept the floor and cleaned it up time flew by and it was already 130pm by the time i did all cleanup.
Then showered and put clothes in to wash; need to clean up the temple place and then iron clothes, and pack themup.
Have to finish the veggies and also arrange the other fridge items.
expenses are mounting and i need some savior!!!!
I spent the day in a sort of dazed confusion... went to a cybercafe in the morning spent 45 min. answering office mail and finding out if anyone was available to offer a place to share/rent
found one guy close to Vishal's place; office guy renting out a row house arrangement charging 4000 for 1 bed, 1 cupboard, TV + internet connection, maid extra, washing on one's own, travel on one's own and no electricity bill for now...
the day was mostly spent outside, so didn't get to write much
then at 230, left for a drive around the city to know which location is where, and how accessible... Vishal was very kind enough to drive me around the city and we clocked 52 km in 1.5 hours around the highway and to the office location.
Mrudula got discharged from the hospital around 12pm - after her bout of asthma cure.
So hopefully Vishal too will get some time out to rest later.
Left for bus depot around 530pm and got the bus at 630pm
Shivneri though run by MSRTC, they too fleece people in various pretexts..
charge Rs. 200/- if you buy cash ticket right when the bus comes. Charge Rs. 225/- if you buy at the booking counter...
cheap mentality but there are limited options to get back to Bombay from there.. station is way too far, so is the location on the highway.
People definitely need a vehicle of their own to make it work in this city.
Saw Vishal's bike. Well maintained. Will need a run and some servicing to get it in working state. Will have to shell out some amount for that and thus, cancel the TATA AIG Mahalife plan for now...
Didn't call home or Berhampur... no time and was too paranoid about the phone expenses...
reached Dadar at 930, had dinner at BAbu mama's and slept there.
Spoke to Amma and Bujju and explained the state of affairs... esp. told amma about Vishal's diabetic condition... can't believe him getting afflicted by it... hope the good forces get him out of it soon.
Babu mama is one other human who has a story of his own.. maybe when I get more time to write...
and today, back from Dadar at 940; swept the floor and cleaned it up time flew by and it was already 130pm by the time i did all cleanup.
Then showered and put clothes in to wash; need to clean up the temple place and then iron clothes, and pack themup.
Have to finish the veggies and also arrange the other fridge items.
expenses are mounting and i need some savior!!!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Pune connection
So here I am in Pune tonight at Vishal's place.
Very mixed feelings at this place.
Somewhere, I see he has had a lot of pressure on himself... and it is showing on his health and he seems to be a tad bit low because of this discovery of diabetes that has crept up on him.
It's sad to know at this young age he has had to fight this issue.. somewhere something seems a little awry for him but I am hoping I should be able to understand that and be able to help him discuss it....
He has a very sweet son..Abhiram.. a real people's person who is absolutely not shy at all... and the kid is just learning to speak... forming his own words slowly but steadily. With Vishal's presence around me, I somehow felt comfortable maybe 'cos he is my younger brother and I see him as someone who is trying to make sense of all this life.
Didn't get to speak to Bujju today at all...
walked a huge distance, from the Hinjewadi village entrance to the Phase II bus stop right in front of Infosys office...
The location is well spread out in a huge farm land but unfortunately, I didn't get to travel out to Phase III where my company is located. I would have known the reality of life that I Am about to live soon.... But yes, it is distant and urgent work will have to be done in a different manner.
As the place is distant from the city, I fear that in urgent cases, which should be none, I should have to take leave from the office to go catch a bus/train at the station.
Nevertheless, I am here and will have to figure out way out of this situation so that tomorrow, mom and kid are in a better situation and more comfortable than what I feel today.
In a way disappointed with this move but hoping this might change somethings somewhere.
Spoke to Bujju this morning and last night about her trip via Vijayawada to Indore coming 14th but for some alignment of stars or just plain decision making, Lakshmi Pinni also has cancelled her Indore trip which was to be made to accompany Ragini to Indore.
14th being a chaviti it was not a good tithi to travel.. and Thursday being a not auspicious day to let girls travel, her travel out was anyways not to happen...
more over she had some apprehension about her regular diet which she thought will get disrupted if she went to a different place... nevertheless..whatever happens happens for the best...
So now I have to plan my travel to Berhampur and get her along to Indore sometime in April mid!!! my first connection with my baby's journey!
Very mixed feelings at this place.
Somewhere, I see he has had a lot of pressure on himself... and it is showing on his health and he seems to be a tad bit low because of this discovery of diabetes that has crept up on him.
It's sad to know at this young age he has had to fight this issue.. somewhere something seems a little awry for him but I am hoping I should be able to understand that and be able to help him discuss it....
He has a very sweet son..Abhiram.. a real people's person who is absolutely not shy at all... and the kid is just learning to speak... forming his own words slowly but steadily. With Vishal's presence around me, I somehow felt comfortable maybe 'cos he is my younger brother and I see him as someone who is trying to make sense of all this life.
Didn't get to speak to Bujju today at all...
walked a huge distance, from the Hinjewadi village entrance to the Phase II bus stop right in front of Infosys office...
The location is well spread out in a huge farm land but unfortunately, I didn't get to travel out to Phase III where my company is located. I would have known the reality of life that I Am about to live soon.... But yes, it is distant and urgent work will have to be done in a different manner.
As the place is distant from the city, I fear that in urgent cases, which should be none, I should have to take leave from the office to go catch a bus/train at the station.
Nevertheless, I am here and will have to figure out way out of this situation so that tomorrow, mom and kid are in a better situation and more comfortable than what I feel today.
In a way disappointed with this move but hoping this might change somethings somewhere.
Spoke to Bujju this morning and last night about her trip via Vijayawada to Indore coming 14th but for some alignment of stars or just plain decision making, Lakshmi Pinni also has cancelled her Indore trip which was to be made to accompany Ragini to Indore.
14th being a chaviti it was not a good tithi to travel.. and Thursday being a not auspicious day to let girls travel, her travel out was anyways not to happen...
more over she had some apprehension about her regular diet which she thought will get disrupted if she went to a different place... nevertheless..whatever happens happens for the best...
So now I have to plan my travel to Berhampur and get her along to Indore sometime in April mid!!! my first connection with my baby's journey!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Preparations
Got the mail out to the top bosses making my issues clear from my point of view... agreed that I will see them in Hinjewadi and I am hoping they get my message here...
Also got this clarification out that I will not transfer my stuff right now, and there seems to be an issue with that, they wanting to get done with it within this Fin year... if that is the issue, and I do not get relocation amount, then maybe I have another chance to get myself back here.... hoping so.
had another round of chat with Vishal.. forgot to mention about him all along.. I connected with him after ages - being a cousin, we have never been any like close or anything... with this current Pune move context... and have been in touch with him almost since he got back to Pune from hyd and his Tirupati trip.
He too was battling his wife's asthma attack in pregnency condition since they got back on 14th from hyd but seemed much in control of himself, having a kid already to take care of with the wife in the hospital.
this guy sounds very logical and very straight forward in his thinking and approach... some traits he has developed.. been a good help and I hope we can work things out once I get there too...
but in my head, there are images of the city, the roads, how I might have to walk, trying to bargain in the autos and all... not sure how many of these images will really be that way... but mostly in my case, I imagine only those situations and my reactions to them, the way I operate my thoughts, without much thinking, just giving into the situation. Apparently, I need to be more in control and hopefully this period will be for that learning.
Spoke to Bujju and figured she stopped taking the zinc medicine thinking her feeling of heaviness in the head is because of it... she acts stupid at times and I felt really worried that she is causing more harm to herself with this thinking than good... she seems to be becoming very lazy and I feel concerned about the way things will eventually turn out with the way she takes things so lightly... operating out of fear of failure.
Lets hope these thoughts don't get transferred down in the development phase....
How I want to sit with her and talk to her about everything that I Can sharing it with the developing brain and body...
---Going further, I looked up some people who might help me get an acco in Pune, esp. on sharing basis because increasingly it seems that that will be the option that best works out for me initially.
Hi All,
Further to this allocation and subsequent discussions with the concerned people mentioned, thanks for your time.
We are all operating in tough times and I understand the delivery team's objective of relocating people and I hope this will prove to be a wise decision eventually for the project and the teams.
As mentioned to us, this project is challenging and critical and that I need to be ready to take the bullet in the front line.
Keeping the project requirements ahead, I have complied to the relocation and will be looking to meet you at Hinjewadi shortly for a role briefing.
In parallel, I request your attention for cooperation on my personal issue also from the project team in the coming times.
With advise from HR, I wanted to keep you updated on the constraints I am in and will operate within, given my limited options.
My wife is currently carrying and advised extra care for specific reasons. She would need medical attention as and when the need arises. As a result I cannot relocate my complete setup in Mumbai to Pune at this time.
Moreover, since I will be working from Hinjewadi, in case of an emergency, I will need to attend to the situation either through some travel back to Mumbai or some leave in between as the need arises. I also am operating in a very tight financial situation personally which prompted my reluctance to move.
Hence this request. With mutual cooperation I am hoping to be able to focus on the project and also be able to resolve the personal issues. Let me know if you have any specific advice that could help addressing the situation and look forward to your cooperation going forward.
Many Thanks.
Regards
-----------------------
Shrikant Sundaram
+91.22.66882000 Extn 4287
---
Also got this clarification out that I will not transfer my stuff right now, and there seems to be an issue with that, they wanting to get done with it within this Fin year... if that is the issue, and I do not get relocation amount, then maybe I have another chance to get myself back here.... hoping so.
had another round of chat with Vishal.. forgot to mention about him all along.. I connected with him after ages - being a cousin, we have never been any like close or anything... with this current Pune move context... and have been in touch with him almost since he got back to Pune from hyd and his Tirupati trip.
He too was battling his wife's asthma attack in pregnency condition since they got back on 14th from hyd but seemed much in control of himself, having a kid already to take care of with the wife in the hospital.
this guy sounds very logical and very straight forward in his thinking and approach... some traits he has developed.. been a good help and I hope we can work things out once I get there too...
but in my head, there are images of the city, the roads, how I might have to walk, trying to bargain in the autos and all... not sure how many of these images will really be that way... but mostly in my case, I imagine only those situations and my reactions to them, the way I operate my thoughts, without much thinking, just giving into the situation. Apparently, I need to be more in control and hopefully this period will be for that learning.
Spoke to Bujju and figured she stopped taking the zinc medicine thinking her feeling of heaviness in the head is because of it... she acts stupid at times and I felt really worried that she is causing more harm to herself with this thinking than good... she seems to be becoming very lazy and I feel concerned about the way things will eventually turn out with the way she takes things so lightly... operating out of fear of failure.
Lets hope these thoughts don't get transferred down in the development phase....
How I want to sit with her and talk to her about everything that I Can sharing it with the developing brain and body...
the IT life
This is the IT life...
we are becoming nomads of the modern world where we go out to earn out living by talking and doing IT and in times of downturn, we tend to be herded out of cities in droves or herded from one company to another a la mental slaves to use our minds for someone else's ideas.
I make a move to Pune caught in this flashflood of 'cost optimization'
not sure what else this optimization will lead to....
We are all now driven simply by the value of money we bring. We have definitely lost the old world charm and the definitive life we used to have... in the current times, we are all dependent on someone else's email that shows the direction to our life... esp. for those who are middle class, who are caught in this job syndrome and who for some reason are not able to be independent for economic survival.
There are many reasons for this kind of life, but earlier it used to be still manageable. Now it has become unmanageable more so because of the growing numbers of people... and a literal herd mentality.
People are overloaded with information, causing too much information processing overload, analysis paralysis and the works...
those who are able to seek and build the confidence in their lives and move forward become independent and are able to live through all kinds of times in a satisfied manner... otherwise, the rest of us are caught in this 'Chakravyuha' of life battling to get out of one... only to get into the other....
IT industry in my case is the force majeure that leads me to relocate... and I am to still consider I am better off than those who lost their jobs.. but I hope to use this relocation lesson to do something about the way I am being herded around...
hopefully Pune will give me that chance...
ages back, I thought I should be in Pune... for whatever reason then
today, I am being to be in Pune... when I would not want to!
this is life...
Be careful what you ask for... for it might just be fulfilled.... (when you are least expecting it 'anytime' in your lifetime)
we are becoming nomads of the modern world where we go out to earn out living by talking and doing IT and in times of downturn, we tend to be herded out of cities in droves or herded from one company to another a la mental slaves to use our minds for someone else's ideas.
I make a move to Pune caught in this flashflood of 'cost optimization'
not sure what else this optimization will lead to....
We are all now driven simply by the value of money we bring. We have definitely lost the old world charm and the definitive life we used to have... in the current times, we are all dependent on someone else's email that shows the direction to our life... esp. for those who are middle class, who are caught in this job syndrome and who for some reason are not able to be independent for economic survival.
There are many reasons for this kind of life, but earlier it used to be still manageable. Now it has become unmanageable more so because of the growing numbers of people... and a literal herd mentality.
People are overloaded with information, causing too much information processing overload, analysis paralysis and the works...
those who are able to seek and build the confidence in their lives and move forward become independent and are able to live through all kinds of times in a satisfied manner... otherwise, the rest of us are caught in this 'Chakravyuha' of life battling to get out of one... only to get into the other....
IT industry in my case is the force majeure that leads me to relocate... and I am to still consider I am better off than those who lost their jobs.. but I hope to use this relocation lesson to do something about the way I am being herded around...
hopefully Pune will give me that chance...
ages back, I thought I should be in Pune... for whatever reason then
today, I am being to be in Pune... when I would not want to!
this is life...
Be careful what you ask for... for it might just be fulfilled.... (when you are least expecting it 'anytime' in your lifetime)
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
crucial hit on the job front on Anniversary day
Yesterday was the day! 17th Feb 09, when I should have put my thoughts down..
Yet again, i forgot to key this important thing in, but was on other wasted sites....
how grandly stupid of me for losing control on things that are of no import to my life... and missing out on key things are I am SUPPOSED to be considering about.
Nevertheless, yesterday was an upsetting day primarily because as an employee, I have become nothing but just a number, a count of a head, in the pool of heads that these days are being herded around the country in the IT projects.
Despite it being the anniversary, here I am fighting my battle alone and there my Chinni on her own wondering what all things ..I know not...
And so went to the temple in the morning and did archana.. again with the mistake of not including Bujju's name.. there are so many things I need to observe and learn and REMEMBER!!!!
And this is the day as the last whole fortnight since I got allocated to this project, I regret I should not have seen had I not been so complacent over the last complete year.
April became June, July became Sept, Oct turned into Jan, and I didn't get to focus on ANYTHING AT ALL that could have given me the edge in this turning down economy.
All I did was get back home and sit on the internet doing don't know WHAT.. all those 9 months have literally gone down the drain and with them the time I had to prepare for my PMP and get an edge up in my career.
That yesterday they finally put in the marching orders for me to report to the new location on 2nd March in Pune shook me up. Since the time I have been given the transfer orders, I have been sleepless and I am feeling very lost.
I am missing my baby and I am not able to think clearly the next course of action I have in hand which could at least give me an edge in the situation I am in - where I need to be with her for at least 5 of the 9 months, and I am seeing that not materializing at all... unless I take that step of taking off from work with the risk that I might lose the position and the job and then a little darker future...
but I think also, that the transfer to Pune is coming at a time when I was getting a little too fed up with Bombay. Wanting to get out of here was always on my mind, not just for myself, though there are several things that hold us up here... but giving a change to life is an important thing.
Maybe this will let me get into a more transferable mode that I should be able to function in a more effiecient manner by doing only things that are important for me and now the new arrival.
The baby is into it's 6th week - considering the fact that if conception happened around 25th Dec. then by 25th Feb, we have an 8 week baby...
I hope there is a lot of positivity going through Chinni in these days... I just am hoping for the best now... esp. with all this crap that has been dished out to me given my vulnerable position.
---
So that was yesterday. Today, again I woke up with limited sleep, and wondering what I need to do to get over this feeling of extreme depression of relocating at such a short notice. Came in a little later, was waiting for the Eureka Forbes guy at 9 as he promised, but he called at 840 saying he can't make it. Will come tomorrow... by 0830.
So got out a little late, and got down to talking to this guy Pramod Kumar, typically a rough guy who has no etiquette how to talk to people.. a case of giving a knife to a Monkey!!!
tried to reason with him that I need time out on my own to go figure things out in Pune and see where I should go live and all that... and he kind of mellowed down, but I still could not get out of the situation of not getting a transfer...
now I am stuck and I can't seem to get my head to make any sense of how I will handle Pune esp. with the up down traveling and the local Pune travel..
main concerns
- more expenses in that city than I can afford to pay for; shared acco is the only way to begin with..
- food and local travel will be higher in Pune
- bombay conveniences will have to be curbed, change Broadband plan, bank address change and all that jazz... all the while being without Bujju and being away from her in these baby times!!!
my baby seems to be on a very interesting but tough journey into this world
They say - Be careful what you ask for, for it may be granted - I am seeing this happen right here right now.
Yet again, i forgot to key this important thing in, but was on other wasted sites....
how grandly stupid of me for losing control on things that are of no import to my life... and missing out on key things are I am SUPPOSED to be considering about.
Nevertheless, yesterday was an upsetting day primarily because as an employee, I have become nothing but just a number, a count of a head, in the pool of heads that these days are being herded around the country in the IT projects.
Despite it being the anniversary, here I am fighting my battle alone and there my Chinni on her own wondering what all things ..I know not...
And so went to the temple in the morning and did archana.. again with the mistake of not including Bujju's name.. there are so many things I need to observe and learn and REMEMBER!!!!
And this is the day as the last whole fortnight since I got allocated to this project, I regret I should not have seen had I not been so complacent over the last complete year.
April became June, July became Sept, Oct turned into Jan, and I didn't get to focus on ANYTHING AT ALL that could have given me the edge in this turning down economy.
All I did was get back home and sit on the internet doing don't know WHAT.. all those 9 months have literally gone down the drain and with them the time I had to prepare for my PMP and get an edge up in my career.
That yesterday they finally put in the marching orders for me to report to the new location on 2nd March in Pune shook me up. Since the time I have been given the transfer orders, I have been sleepless and I am feeling very lost.
I am missing my baby and I am not able to think clearly the next course of action I have in hand which could at least give me an edge in the situation I am in - where I need to be with her for at least 5 of the 9 months, and I am seeing that not materializing at all... unless I take that step of taking off from work with the risk that I might lose the position and the job and then a little darker future...
but I think also, that the transfer to Pune is coming at a time when I was getting a little too fed up with Bombay. Wanting to get out of here was always on my mind, not just for myself, though there are several things that hold us up here... but giving a change to life is an important thing.
Maybe this will let me get into a more transferable mode that I should be able to function in a more effiecient manner by doing only things that are important for me and now the new arrival.
The baby is into it's 6th week - considering the fact that if conception happened around 25th Dec. then by 25th Feb, we have an 8 week baby...
I hope there is a lot of positivity going through Chinni in these days... I just am hoping for the best now... esp. with all this crap that has been dished out to me given my vulnerable position.
---
So that was yesterday. Today, again I woke up with limited sleep, and wondering what I need to do to get over this feeling of extreme depression of relocating at such a short notice. Came in a little later, was waiting for the Eureka Forbes guy at 9 as he promised, but he called at 840 saying he can't make it. Will come tomorrow... by 0830.
So got out a little late, and got down to talking to this guy Pramod Kumar, typically a rough guy who has no etiquette how to talk to people.. a case of giving a knife to a Monkey!!!
tried to reason with him that I need time out on my own to go figure things out in Pune and see where I should go live and all that... and he kind of mellowed down, but I still could not get out of the situation of not getting a transfer...
now I am stuck and I can't seem to get my head to make any sense of how I will handle Pune esp. with the up down traveling and the local Pune travel..
main concerns
- more expenses in that city than I can afford to pay for; shared acco is the only way to begin with..
- food and local travel will be higher in Pune
- bombay conveniences will have to be curbed, change Broadband plan, bank address change and all that jazz... all the while being without Bujju and being away from her in these baby times!!!
my baby seems to be on a very interesting but tough journey into this world
They say - Be careful what you ask for, for it may be granted - I am seeing this happen right here right now.
Monday, February 16, 2009
tightrope monday
Didn't get to post this exactly on the Indian Monday time but nevertheless, was within the universal Monday timeline to get this through on the blog on time.
Monday was to be the day when I was awaiting the news of my relocation to Pune getting either confirmed or some other workaround coming along. The mail came that I would have to go.
No other options emerged..
I got busy with the ITIL training
Due to my stupid addiction, I had slept late last night and ended up almost falling off to sleep in the session.
Too bad on my part that I have not been strict with myself.
This habit has cost me my job - almost - in this sense that I have to relocate and work in a project which could cost me more than the job.
Gotta reverse this whole thing somehow.
Monday was to be the day when I was awaiting the news of my relocation to Pune getting either confirmed or some other workaround coming along. The mail came that I would have to go.
No other options emerged..
I got busy with the ITIL training
Due to my stupid addiction, I had slept late last night and ended up almost falling off to sleep in the session.
Too bad on my part that I have not been strict with myself.
This habit has cost me my job - almost - in this sense that I have to relocate and work in a project which could cost me more than the job.
Gotta reverse this whole thing somehow.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sunday thoughts
Have not been able to focus much on the key aspects of the new arrival's development or anything related to how Chinni should be taking this.. !
Basically have been asking her to eat well and not to exhert too much on herself...
There are so many things that I wish I could do, being with her, read her information and make her feel relaxed... hope she is relaxed at her place.
Getting her to Bombay amidst all this tension of how to move, when to move and all will be too much...
Sunday was spent at Venkat's place.
Hav not told anyone yet... except maybe Chinni's Doddamma who called her up on 9th or so to know why she was living there for so long...
well.. hmm ..
Basically have been asking her to eat well and not to exhert too much on herself...
There are so many things that I wish I could do, being with her, read her information and make her feel relaxed... hope she is relaxed at her place.
Getting her to Bombay amidst all this tension of how to move, when to move and all will be too much...
Sunday was spent at Venkat's place.
Hav not told anyone yet... except maybe Chinni's Doddamma who called her up on 9th or so to know why she was living there for so long...
well.. hmm ..
Saturday, February 14, 2009
can't forget to post today
today being the day christened to progress the cause of this blog... i surely wanted to post today.. just as I remembered the date at 2315IST... otherwise i would have forgotten to post today also...
the last 2 days, i have been trying to make sense of what I need to do first, and what next and then next ...
yesterday wrote in a long letter to bujju .. wanted to write a lot but didn't really get to write as much 'cos I was very distracted. But managed to get a few baby posters from Andheri, came back started writing at 1430IST and finished at 1830... and dropped in the courier by 1900;
she called me up last night midnight to wish me.. saying that the card I sent her (on 10th) was the best card she ever got from me... well.. I have been very frugal on the expressions part... so don't know what to say when...
nevertheless, wanted to get down to the actual process of listing items in the house, but didn't get started. was online since 1700 and just went on and on... updating my CV, chatting .. trying to make up my mind what I should do next, constantly being troubled by my eyes drying up but this addiction of mine is getting a little too much for myself...
I have to get over it in some way or another.
everytime I get online i get distracted into something i didn't think of doing. and get dragged into things not meant for me at that moment.
this time the V-Day event has seen more elements of protests by the anti-V-Day campaigners; somewhere, there is a huge loss of coherence in this nation and everyone is fighting for their own self defined value systems....
this keeps the pot churning, but it doesn't produce any concrete substance out of it..
maybe this nation is doomed only to churn out news events for consumption, just like everything else it's people are consuming.
that story at that...
Delhi-6 music sounds very fresh.. after all it is A.R.Rahman's magic.
as this day draws to a close i am feeling my eyes drying up, paining but unable to sleep, as sleep evades me. over the last week, since 2nd, I have been sleeping very disturbed, more so because of the tensions of work security and the move...
i hope something sensible is possible out of all this
I need the time to get the break to be with my family during Aug/Sep. that's my goal
the last 2 days, i have been trying to make sense of what I need to do first, and what next and then next ...
yesterday wrote in a long letter to bujju .. wanted to write a lot but didn't really get to write as much 'cos I was very distracted. But managed to get a few baby posters from Andheri, came back started writing at 1430IST and finished at 1830... and dropped in the courier by 1900;
she called me up last night midnight to wish me.. saying that the card I sent her (on 10th) was the best card she ever got from me... well.. I have been very frugal on the expressions part... so don't know what to say when...
nevertheless, wanted to get down to the actual process of listing items in the house, but didn't get started. was online since 1700 and just went on and on... updating my CV, chatting .. trying to make up my mind what I should do next, constantly being troubled by my eyes drying up but this addiction of mine is getting a little too much for myself...
I have to get over it in some way or another.
everytime I get online i get distracted into something i didn't think of doing. and get dragged into things not meant for me at that moment.
this time the V-Day event has seen more elements of protests by the anti-V-Day campaigners; somewhere, there is a huge loss of coherence in this nation and everyone is fighting for their own self defined value systems....
this keeps the pot churning, but it doesn't produce any concrete substance out of it..
maybe this nation is doomed only to churn out news events for consumption, just like everything else it's people are consuming.
that story at that...
Delhi-6 music sounds very fresh.. after all it is A.R.Rahman's magic.
as this day draws to a close i am feeling my eyes drying up, paining but unable to sleep, as sleep evades me. over the last week, since 2nd, I have been sleeping very disturbed, more so because of the tensions of work security and the move...
i hope something sensible is possible out of all this
I need the time to get the break to be with my family during Aug/Sep. that's my goal
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
fear of change
Fear eats everything it has its eyes on... rather.. eats all that which you let it set its eyes/feelers on...
and it eats in a jiffy.. it doesn't allow you to think, or act 'cos when fear is around, it is all pervasive and it stops you in your tracks, makes you think twice, three times, four times, all alternatives and in the end confuses you into inaction...
that was the state, is the state as of now... I have been a fearing guy for quite a while, for as long as I remember now into my childhood days...
Not sure if it was because I was caught a couple of times doing things that kids should not be doing.. or maybe because I was not sure how my behavior would impact my mom n dad, so I might have controlled a lot of my urges to speak - leading me to feel afraid to speak out when the time really comes.. and speak the right way.
I hope this attitude just does not get translated down to the coming one...
there are so many other things that I wish I can change.. this is the time that I should begin to put into practice all the personality traits in me, that I have been wanting to better myself in... no time than now...
had been fearing that come the next 6 months, when I am supposed to be taking care of my family, I am slated to be slogging at work all along.. and I fear that I might not be able to take the time out to be with them when the time comes...
I had been wanting to buy a video camera to record the times as these which are so special... but I am not able to do that as yet.. that's what frustrates me
I just hope I don't take a rash decision now to make these things work.
May there be a big change in the scheme of things.. may I be able to get the leave I want and spend the time I want to with my sweet one and the new coming one!!!!
I need to get some baby posters and set things up... in this house and that and send some there... i hope i can do them... Thursday!!!!
and it eats in a jiffy.. it doesn't allow you to think, or act 'cos when fear is around, it is all pervasive and it stops you in your tracks, makes you think twice, three times, four times, all alternatives and in the end confuses you into inaction...
that was the state, is the state as of now... I have been a fearing guy for quite a while, for as long as I remember now into my childhood days...
Not sure if it was because I was caught a couple of times doing things that kids should not be doing.. or maybe because I was not sure how my behavior would impact my mom n dad, so I might have controlled a lot of my urges to speak - leading me to feel afraid to speak out when the time really comes.. and speak the right way.
I hope this attitude just does not get translated down to the coming one...
there are so many other things that I wish I can change.. this is the time that I should begin to put into practice all the personality traits in me, that I have been wanting to better myself in... no time than now...
had been fearing that come the next 6 months, when I am supposed to be taking care of my family, I am slated to be slogging at work all along.. and I fear that I might not be able to take the time out to be with them when the time comes...
I had been wanting to buy a video camera to record the times as these which are so special... but I am not able to do that as yet.. that's what frustrates me
I just hope I don't take a rash decision now to make these things work.
May there be a big change in the scheme of things.. may I be able to get the leave I want and spend the time I want to with my sweet one and the new coming one!!!!
I need to get some baby posters and set things up... in this house and that and send some there... i hope i can do them... Thursday!!!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
reckoning of sorts
Today was the day when it dawned on me that people, in order to save themselves - what Subhashish called - who drives your boss - will go to any extent and will prefer putting others on the line than considering a little leeway...
So Pramod finally took the call today and went about explaining to me his point of view and how the economy is calling for tough measures and tough decisions for people to make and that for me, to be able to make myself available for the Pune transfer by March is the final verdict on his part... giving me gyan about how his wife was not well and he was out only for 2 days to look after her and had to get back to work now... comparing what I explained to him about my own predicament... how could people be so stupid... this is not being ruthless but being stupid.....
however had a word with the next in line Dhananjay who is the programme director who was also in the same mode of argument that they can't consider a time beyond March for me to be in Mumbai though there, the talk seemed to be a little light and the person was willing to listen, but I now think it is all a game they are playing to save their rear ends... how convenient..
now later in the day today, it struck me that being defiant on a specific stand might not be always right but given my situation, where even my eyes esp. the right one, is feeling a lot of irritation due to Blepharitis.
I am not sure what kind of diet is causing this, but possibly, there are some fats that I am consuming that seems to be causing this, as per a web link. But I need to be careful about this lest this aggravates into something more serious.
so considering the aspect that I won't be in a position to be present for the big day in Sept, or with my sweety during the next few months makes me feel too enraged at my kind of work profile and esp. the spinelessness of the company management for dragging themselves into this situation with the client.
But oh well... the times are trying everyone says....
but I believe I will have to somehow get to play around this and I hope I will be able to stand up to myself by proper planning now.
Had a good 33min talk with chinni on how I lost the last 3 years of my life on the internet and TV, and how I need to reclaim it. She is one hell of a love... simple yet smart and reticent almost bordering on being the shy and fearful personality that fears everything for she is driven - very much like me- by the fear of failure... to the extent that this early fear of failure has now itself become the part of our life and leading us to not trying anything and failing in the very event of trying.
Nevertheless, she listened to me patiently, in her own thoughts how we have brought upon ourselves this situation where even her dreams I could not meet in the first 3 years of our life together... I regret that one aspect and I hope i can make it up to her soon...
also that ... she being in the 2nd month of her carriage and I am not with her... the time when I should be around her to send in some positive signals and try to understand her internal development and her fears/feelings during this time...
time has brought me to this point today that I am feeling lost and not in a position to do what I want to do... unless I take the call to leave it all and live with the consequences later on.....
this is the reckoning of the day... the day that it seems my position was sealed to having to move out of the city ...
So Pramod finally took the call today and went about explaining to me his point of view and how the economy is calling for tough measures and tough decisions for people to make and that for me, to be able to make myself available for the Pune transfer by March is the final verdict on his part... giving me gyan about how his wife was not well and he was out only for 2 days to look after her and had to get back to work now... comparing what I explained to him about my own predicament... how could people be so stupid... this is not being ruthless but being stupid.....
however had a word with the next in line Dhananjay who is the programme director who was also in the same mode of argument that they can't consider a time beyond March for me to be in Mumbai though there, the talk seemed to be a little light and the person was willing to listen, but I now think it is all a game they are playing to save their rear ends... how convenient..
now later in the day today, it struck me that being defiant on a specific stand might not be always right but given my situation, where even my eyes esp. the right one, is feeling a lot of irritation due to Blepharitis.
I am not sure what kind of diet is causing this, but possibly, there are some fats that I am consuming that seems to be causing this, as per a web link. But I need to be careful about this lest this aggravates into something more serious.
so considering the aspect that I won't be in a position to be present for the big day in Sept, or with my sweety during the next few months makes me feel too enraged at my kind of work profile and esp. the spinelessness of the company management for dragging themselves into this situation with the client.
But oh well... the times are trying everyone says....
but I believe I will have to somehow get to play around this and I hope I will be able to stand up to myself by proper planning now.
Had a good 33min talk with chinni on how I lost the last 3 years of my life on the internet and TV, and how I need to reclaim it. She is one hell of a love... simple yet smart and reticent almost bordering on being the shy and fearful personality that fears everything for she is driven - very much like me- by the fear of failure... to the extent that this early fear of failure has now itself become the part of our life and leading us to not trying anything and failing in the very event of trying.
Nevertheless, she listened to me patiently, in her own thoughts how we have brought upon ourselves this situation where even her dreams I could not meet in the first 3 years of our life together... I regret that one aspect and I hope i can make it up to her soon...
also that ... she being in the 2nd month of her carriage and I am not with her... the time when I should be around her to send in some positive signals and try to understand her internal development and her fears/feelings during this time...
time has brought me to this point today that I am feeling lost and not in a position to do what I want to do... unless I take the call to leave it all and live with the consequences later on.....
this is the reckoning of the day... the day that it seems my position was sealed to having to move out of the city ...
Monday, February 9, 2009
the awakening of sorts
Over the weekend and Monday, I have realised some very key things which I need to keep working on going forward.
just a jot of the key things i had on mind first...
- I have some key dates in hand today
- 16th , 19th , 21st Dec. when we tried to do it... and probably succeeded because the date of 5th Jan was missed.
- Then on 8th Feb, an official medical test confirmed it to be true, though it was confirmed on 28th of Jan itself when the home test was done.
I am in a mixed set of feelings which range from feeling nothing to feeling something big that's going to hit me soon....
I have to keep track of each and every activity of mine and ours to be able to see how the new life grows and takes wings. It surely now means a very keen observation on the self... more than anything else
This diary will help me in tracking my own inner journey and experiences in the times to come, as long as I keep updating it.
Like yesterday and today - 9th Feb, I have been through this intense realisation that I have been wasting so much time in life, that I need to be punished bad for it, and that is the punishment that might be coming to me in the form of the move to Pune.
Apparently, today, the move confirmation has still been stalled but my whole morning was spent trying to contact Uma Roy and Pramod Kumar who seem to have architected this move to Pune.... just out of the blue - but as it was expected, that things would turn unexpected ways in these times...
So today, I still confirmed that tomorrow - Tuesday 10th, the move might get finalised. I am still sitting here late into Tuesday morning writing this whence I should be asleep... esp. with my eyes suffering the irritation that needs some treatment and cure sooner....
But yes, the day was hectic as I really got down to saving my life, and tomorrow will be another such day, esp. with the training thrown into the schedule to make it all the more hectic for me....
I will survive it, but I want to avert the transfer for now....
and plan for the coming in of the new traveller.... I hope I don't fail here as miserably as I did in other spheres...
just a jot of the key things i had on mind first...
- I have some key dates in hand today
- 16th , 19th , 21st Dec. when we tried to do it... and probably succeeded because the date of 5th Jan was missed.
- Then on 8th Feb, an official medical test confirmed it to be true, though it was confirmed on 28th of Jan itself when the home test was done.
I am in a mixed set of feelings which range from feeling nothing to feeling something big that's going to hit me soon....
I have to keep track of each and every activity of mine and ours to be able to see how the new life grows and takes wings. It surely now means a very keen observation on the self... more than anything else
This diary will help me in tracking my own inner journey and experiences in the times to come, as long as I keep updating it.
Like yesterday and today - 9th Feb, I have been through this intense realisation that I have been wasting so much time in life, that I need to be punished bad for it, and that is the punishment that might be coming to me in the form of the move to Pune.
Apparently, today, the move confirmation has still been stalled but my whole morning was spent trying to contact Uma Roy and Pramod Kumar who seem to have architected this move to Pune.... just out of the blue - but as it was expected, that things would turn unexpected ways in these times...
So today, I still confirmed that tomorrow - Tuesday 10th, the move might get finalised. I am still sitting here late into Tuesday morning writing this whence I should be asleep... esp. with my eyes suffering the irritation that needs some treatment and cure sooner....
But yes, the day was hectic as I really got down to saving my life, and tomorrow will be another such day, esp. with the training thrown into the schedule to make it all the more hectic for me....
I will survive it, but I want to avert the transfer for now....
and plan for the coming in of the new traveller.... I hope I don't fail here as miserably as I did in other spheres...
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