I think there is something more in store for me which made me get through this situation and remain in Bombay.
There might have been this shock that was sent over to me so that I had to realize that I am in a very tight situation careerwise and in a way from the life's perspective that somehow I had to get into my element to get to influence people to get things done, but now that I think I am out of the transfer situation, I seem to be in a more - tighter - situation where my skills as a negotiator and influencer will get to be tested and surely refined... and also that I will need to manage myself in a more proactive way...
I am now supposed to be a Delivery Manager - owning more than one babies... literally and figuratively...
Showing posts with label relocation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relocation. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
tentative tuesday
well here's another of those tentative days when now I will know what and where i belong
and after i know this, i HAVE TO get back into life... for my baby and for my family now! or never...
having spent the day at work in a numbing way, with no clue why I am doing what I am doing, I spoke to the Noida manager who was tentative in his response... he had asked me to speak to someone in Bombay who 'might' be able to help in swapping a position with a Pune resource and I could continue staying here...
But the Bombay manager was in Pune in a meeting and I was not able to discuss the problem with him. I am hoping that I can hear back from him tomorrow and it will be a positive case but keeping all fingers crossed for the worse of news.
I had been thinking that once bujju gets to Indore, she might feel a little relaxed but also was wondering that she'd be her hesitant usual and that could cause some kind of changes in her overall physiology... this could get translated down and that is my main concern...
Somehow i think my current being of fear is all caused due to the heavy stress amma went through my times... and I hope I don't have to face a similar situation but then... who am I to decide and shape the future when I myself am not in a position to shape my own.
nevertheless, I hope the woman realizes her important contribution to the development of the foetus and takes all suitable steps... just that one can't make someone realise externally... all has to come from within.. just as I am realizing the state of affairs now!!!!
and after i know this, i HAVE TO get back into life... for my baby and for my family now! or never...
having spent the day at work in a numbing way, with no clue why I am doing what I am doing, I spoke to the Noida manager who was tentative in his response... he had asked me to speak to someone in Bombay who 'might' be able to help in swapping a position with a Pune resource and I could continue staying here...
But the Bombay manager was in Pune in a meeting and I was not able to discuss the problem with him. I am hoping that I can hear back from him tomorrow and it will be a positive case but keeping all fingers crossed for the worse of news.
I had been thinking that once bujju gets to Indore, she might feel a little relaxed but also was wondering that she'd be her hesitant usual and that could cause some kind of changes in her overall physiology... this could get translated down and that is my main concern...
Somehow i think my current being of fear is all caused due to the heavy stress amma went through my times... and I hope I don't have to face a similar situation but then... who am I to decide and shape the future when I myself am not in a position to shape my own.
nevertheless, I hope the woman realizes her important contribution to the development of the foetus and takes all suitable steps... just that one can't make someone realise externally... all has to come from within.. just as I am realizing the state of affairs now!!!!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
eventful Tuesday.. and Wednesday
Days are passing by and the pressure on me is increasing...
I am probably creating more internal pressure than I should 'cos in the absence of the right information and also the right trusted contacts that I could speak to to vent it out, I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with what is happening to me right now...
basically, the issues are
a. I am not with my bujju in the times that I probably should be with her.. and that I feel I want to be with her to feel the changes she is going through and be her through it
b. I am not in a position to call for any kind of a decision for my own sake and am totally feeling bound by circumstances.. never before have I felt so bad, though I did feel compelled in the early days when I was in Tata Infotech and I was asked to go onsite at short notice periods. That was a time when I used to feel that my freedom and mu life is getting dictated by things out of my control... but never before have I felt any more forced to be humiliated in a way I feel now...
Given the deep resentment that has engulfed me with this move to Pune, and also seeing the amount of pressure that is getting built on the delivery of the project workload, I am looking at the deep sea and the devil at the same time and finding myself getting squeezed in this fast crunching space....
I am getting more worried about not being able to spend time with Bujji and my new baby... very worried.
What will I tell the baby - that I was not with them in the early years? that my work was more important at that time? or that I was very unmanaged, have been lousy to not being able to ensure that things were kept smooth for myself and the family... I feel ashamed...
The stress signs are now being seen slowly.. hair-fall increase, forgetfulness - these seem to be impacting me but I am sure some of it is my own internal creation for not being in control of my emotions.
More than my internal tention, some people like Midha have been dishing out crap and I decided today after I spoke to him, to keep away from him. For he is probably one of those informers that he keeps talking about, very senselessly, non-sensically.. pointing fingers at others as though he is the shrink who everyone comes and refers to... he is a more pathetic state when he talks, and I need to keep my sanity intact...
on Tuesday, dropped in a mail indicating the reimbursement of payment for my relocation to be given in the next year, but they are not willing to do that either. I am hopelessly disappointed with this kind of an attitude that I would not have expected from a professional organization.
another big disappointment came later in the day when I reached home and found that my landline was disconnected due to non payment of bill.
Pathetically MTNL has a lousy process and they have not re-presented the cheque that bounced because it was presented a day in advance at ICICI.
These days, the different companies are simply squeezing people's lives one way or another and only those who are potentially well connected or have the money power to show off survive and get away with everything.
That's the reality into which my baby is taking shape and life.... I hope things will be better for it in the times to come.
Then today, I found time to figure out a number of the accounts office of MTNL after frantic calling 2-3 numbers that were floating around their web site.
The lady there stated that since my cheque bounced, the line had been disconnected. I had to make a payment by 4pm, and when I had called it was just 330pm. I rushed to the Saki vihar exchange to make this cash payment of Rs. 881/- + Rs. 20/- penalty to get my line back..
which i will have to eventually disconnect or tone down to just a phone with no broadband - in about 10 days.
I am feeling so wretched.. to see my roots being pulled out.. roots I myself was not happy with in a way, but such a violent change.. a big lesson.
Another shake up was to relocate my seating from my airy lighted up Unit 1 2nd floor seat to the dingy light and life less 1st floor... a place I dreaded if ever I was given that location in the beginning, but apparently, now it seems all those things I dread are coming to fruit... which makes me VERY VERY SCARED...
I just pray every day these days... pray for better times now that I have learnt my lesson to be more active in life.. that I had been avoiding for the last 3 years...
God pls. get me back on a stronger base.. with a better life... which I will have to now plan for.
I am probably creating more internal pressure than I should 'cos in the absence of the right information and also the right trusted contacts that I could speak to to vent it out, I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with what is happening to me right now...
basically, the issues are
a. I am not with my bujju in the times that I probably should be with her.. and that I feel I want to be with her to feel the changes she is going through and be her through it
b. I am not in a position to call for any kind of a decision for my own sake and am totally feeling bound by circumstances.. never before have I felt so bad, though I did feel compelled in the early days when I was in Tata Infotech and I was asked to go onsite at short notice periods. That was a time when I used to feel that my freedom and mu life is getting dictated by things out of my control... but never before have I felt any more forced to be humiliated in a way I feel now...
Given the deep resentment that has engulfed me with this move to Pune, and also seeing the amount of pressure that is getting built on the delivery of the project workload, I am looking at the deep sea and the devil at the same time and finding myself getting squeezed in this fast crunching space....
I am getting more worried about not being able to spend time with Bujji and my new baby... very worried.
What will I tell the baby - that I was not with them in the early years? that my work was more important at that time? or that I was very unmanaged, have been lousy to not being able to ensure that things were kept smooth for myself and the family... I feel ashamed...
The stress signs are now being seen slowly.. hair-fall increase, forgetfulness - these seem to be impacting me but I am sure some of it is my own internal creation for not being in control of my emotions.
More than my internal tention, some people like Midha have been dishing out crap and I decided today after I spoke to him, to keep away from him. For he is probably one of those informers that he keeps talking about, very senselessly, non-sensically.. pointing fingers at others as though he is the shrink who everyone comes and refers to... he is a more pathetic state when he talks, and I need to keep my sanity intact...
on Tuesday, dropped in a mail indicating the reimbursement of payment for my relocation to be given in the next year, but they are not willing to do that either. I am hopelessly disappointed with this kind of an attitude that I would not have expected from a professional organization.
another big disappointment came later in the day when I reached home and found that my landline was disconnected due to non payment of bill.
Pathetically MTNL has a lousy process and they have not re-presented the cheque that bounced because it was presented a day in advance at ICICI.
These days, the different companies are simply squeezing people's lives one way or another and only those who are potentially well connected or have the money power to show off survive and get away with everything.
That's the reality into which my baby is taking shape and life.... I hope things will be better for it in the times to come.
Then today, I found time to figure out a number of the accounts office of MTNL after frantic calling 2-3 numbers that were floating around their web site.
The lady there stated that since my cheque bounced, the line had been disconnected. I had to make a payment by 4pm, and when I had called it was just 330pm. I rushed to the Saki vihar exchange to make this cash payment of Rs. 881/- + Rs. 20/- penalty to get my line back..
which i will have to eventually disconnect or tone down to just a phone with no broadband - in about 10 days.
I am feeling so wretched.. to see my roots being pulled out.. roots I myself was not happy with in a way, but such a violent change.. a big lesson.
Another shake up was to relocate my seating from my airy lighted up Unit 1 2nd floor seat to the dingy light and life less 1st floor... a place I dreaded if ever I was given that location in the beginning, but apparently, now it seems all those things I dread are coming to fruit... which makes me VERY VERY SCARED...
I just pray every day these days... pray for better times now that I have learnt my lesson to be more active in life.. that I had been avoiding for the last 3 years...
God pls. get me back on a stronger base.. with a better life... which I will have to now plan for.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Preparations
Got the mail out to the top bosses making my issues clear from my point of view... agreed that I will see them in Hinjewadi and I am hoping they get my message here...
Also got this clarification out that I will not transfer my stuff right now, and there seems to be an issue with that, they wanting to get done with it within this Fin year... if that is the issue, and I do not get relocation amount, then maybe I have another chance to get myself back here.... hoping so.
had another round of chat with Vishal.. forgot to mention about him all along.. I connected with him after ages - being a cousin, we have never been any like close or anything... with this current Pune move context... and have been in touch with him almost since he got back to Pune from hyd and his Tirupati trip.
He too was battling his wife's asthma attack in pregnency condition since they got back on 14th from hyd but seemed much in control of himself, having a kid already to take care of with the wife in the hospital.
this guy sounds very logical and very straight forward in his thinking and approach... some traits he has developed.. been a good help and I hope we can work things out once I get there too...
but in my head, there are images of the city, the roads, how I might have to walk, trying to bargain in the autos and all... not sure how many of these images will really be that way... but mostly in my case, I imagine only those situations and my reactions to them, the way I operate my thoughts, without much thinking, just giving into the situation. Apparently, I need to be more in control and hopefully this period will be for that learning.
Spoke to Bujju and figured she stopped taking the zinc medicine thinking her feeling of heaviness in the head is because of it... she acts stupid at times and I felt really worried that she is causing more harm to herself with this thinking than good... she seems to be becoming very lazy and I feel concerned about the way things will eventually turn out with the way she takes things so lightly... operating out of fear of failure.
Lets hope these thoughts don't get transferred down in the development phase....
How I want to sit with her and talk to her about everything that I Can sharing it with the developing brain and body...
---Going further, I looked up some people who might help me get an acco in Pune, esp. on sharing basis because increasingly it seems that that will be the option that best works out for me initially.
Hi All,
Further to this allocation and subsequent discussions with the concerned people mentioned, thanks for your time.
We are all operating in tough times and I understand the delivery team's objective of relocating people and I hope this will prove to be a wise decision eventually for the project and the teams.
As mentioned to us, this project is challenging and critical and that I need to be ready to take the bullet in the front line.
Keeping the project requirements ahead, I have complied to the relocation and will be looking to meet you at Hinjewadi shortly for a role briefing.
In parallel, I request your attention for cooperation on my personal issue also from the project team in the coming times.
With advise from HR, I wanted to keep you updated on the constraints I am in and will operate within, given my limited options.
My wife is currently carrying and advised extra care for specific reasons. She would need medical attention as and when the need arises. As a result I cannot relocate my complete setup in Mumbai to Pune at this time.
Moreover, since I will be working from Hinjewadi, in case of an emergency, I will need to attend to the situation either through some travel back to Mumbai or some leave in between as the need arises. I also am operating in a very tight financial situation personally which prompted my reluctance to move.
Hence this request. With mutual cooperation I am hoping to be able to focus on the project and also be able to resolve the personal issues. Let me know if you have any specific advice that could help addressing the situation and look forward to your cooperation going forward.
Many Thanks.
Regards
-----------------------
Shrikant Sundaram
+91.22.66882000 Extn 4287
---
Also got this clarification out that I will not transfer my stuff right now, and there seems to be an issue with that, they wanting to get done with it within this Fin year... if that is the issue, and I do not get relocation amount, then maybe I have another chance to get myself back here.... hoping so.
had another round of chat with Vishal.. forgot to mention about him all along.. I connected with him after ages - being a cousin, we have never been any like close or anything... with this current Pune move context... and have been in touch with him almost since he got back to Pune from hyd and his Tirupati trip.
He too was battling his wife's asthma attack in pregnency condition since they got back on 14th from hyd but seemed much in control of himself, having a kid already to take care of with the wife in the hospital.
this guy sounds very logical and very straight forward in his thinking and approach... some traits he has developed.. been a good help and I hope we can work things out once I get there too...
but in my head, there are images of the city, the roads, how I might have to walk, trying to bargain in the autos and all... not sure how many of these images will really be that way... but mostly in my case, I imagine only those situations and my reactions to them, the way I operate my thoughts, without much thinking, just giving into the situation. Apparently, I need to be more in control and hopefully this period will be for that learning.
Spoke to Bujju and figured she stopped taking the zinc medicine thinking her feeling of heaviness in the head is because of it... she acts stupid at times and I felt really worried that she is causing more harm to herself with this thinking than good... she seems to be becoming very lazy and I feel concerned about the way things will eventually turn out with the way she takes things so lightly... operating out of fear of failure.
Lets hope these thoughts don't get transferred down in the development phase....
How I want to sit with her and talk to her about everything that I Can sharing it with the developing brain and body...
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