fear of change

Fear eats everything it has its eyes on... rather.. eats all that which you let it set its eyes/feelers on...
and it eats in a jiffy.. it doesn't allow you to think, or act 'cos when fear is around, it is all pervasive and it stops you in your tracks, makes you think twice, three times, four times, all alternatives and in the end confuses you into inaction...

that was the state, is the state as of now... I have been a fearing guy for quite a while, for as long as I remember now into my childhood days...
Not sure if it was because I was caught a couple of times doing things that kids should not be doing.. or maybe because I was not sure how my behavior would impact my mom n dad, so I might have controlled a lot of my urges to speak - leading me to feel afraid to speak out when the time really comes.. and speak the right way.

I hope this attitude just does not get translated down to the coming one...
there are so many other things that I wish I can change.. this is the time that I should begin to put into practice all the personality traits in me, that I have been wanting to better myself in... no time than now...

had been fearing that come the next 6 months, when I am supposed to be taking care of my family, I am slated to be slogging at work all along.. and I fear that I might not be able to take the time out to be with them when the time comes...
I had been wanting to buy a video camera to record the times as these which are so special... but I am not able to do that as yet.. that's what frustrates me


I just hope I don't take a rash decision now to make these things work.
May there be a big change in the scheme of things.. may I be able to get the leave I want and spend the time I want to with my sweet one and the new coming one!!!!

I need to get some baby posters and set things up... in this house and that and send some there... i hope i can do them... Thursday!!!!