Tentative Tuesday

I am waiting with bated breath to start off with the handover.. trying to internally figure out how I will have to deal with the work that will come my way.

Some pointers I had earlier were to be able to influence people and negotiate things with them. Now in my world where I shy away from meeting people, I wonder how I will be in a position to work on the above two factors.

At the end of the day, there is always an escape route they say... every Chakravyuha can be exited if one is willing to live with the consequences of exiting it without a fight.. Am I ready for it??

will I be able to share this meassage - that I want to quit this Chakravyuha because I was never meant to be in it but that I should have been elsewhere doing something else, of which I don't know - with the people who matter to me?
So far I have not attempted enough to share this with my parents. It is too late now to share this with them.. for we are all living in the fear that we will lose our financial freedom, of whatever we have now if I change my tracks.

Will I be able to share it with my kids? My wife probably will understand what I mean but not within the context I would say for my context is too huge at times... all the time actually.. but regarding this specific fear of economic/financial bond that I am tied to, I am sure she understands with not much of a solution that she can think of.

I for one, have to expand my thought process which I realise now is very very narrow. I am not thinking beyond a lot of things, and I believe that is what is keeping me back... from doing what I want to do, fighting in the Chakravyuha that I really would enjoy fighting in...

How do I do this expansion of thinking? of getting over my fear??? who do I ask?
What message do I send to the one who is coming along?

Today - Wednesday 080409, on my way to work, again I fell into this trap of fear... what if in Sept, I don't get to go home because of some or the other issue with work schedule? How do I cope with this?
I don't have answers now... I am not out of that trap yet