Hi Bubbulu
i am writing to you on 29th Sep 09, the day I returned back to Bombay to resume work but my thoughts were always with you and everyone else at Indore.
I am for some reason attached to that place and now the attachment has grown very strong
I need to go back there and do things on my own, but I am very very skeptical on how to start and what to take off from.
But these have been perpetual thoughts, like I have been caught in a whirlpool and am just rotatinng in that same loop all along
The day you were born, the look on your face was like- where the hell have I landed...
I have been thinking about the soul in you that you bring with you, the day that soul actually would have awakened and felt the things around yourself trying to figure out where are you and what are you doing there... i await that day when I can have a conversation with you
I wonder over the last 14 days, I have bserved you in different moods, most often that of a crying baby hungry for food or basically wetting your nappies, but the other mood fascinates me, when you have your eyes wide open and move your hands and legs aimlessly for me it seems, but for some purpose that your brain defines for you...
I have seen you stare blankly, and I wonder what you might be thinking, if you ever did in those times, and what makes you look like that.
You have some interesting expressions on your face and I have kissed you for the first time on 28th itself, lest I miss out on the opportunity to kiss your pretty features, though with some apprehension that my kiss might defile you in some way...
but I did, and I have taken away even that sanctity off you.
there are times over the last week when I have shaken you, I have tapped hard on the underside of your feet just to see how you react, and taken some pleasure in it, sadistic should I say??? which I now feel was wrong, but I did that wrong..
I see you dosing off to sleep while feeding, which doctors say all babies do, but maybe it's the situation in the house or my impatience that I had to force things.. I promise I will never ever do that ... nor will I ever lift my hand over you out of frustration...
I am hoping I will be able to write to you more oftener, especially asking you what your thoughts would have been in thse days, but alas, its difficult to figure out for anyone what such innocent babies are designed to 'think' and contemplate about though your expressions are pretty seriously contemplative.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
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