catching up.. in parts

there is much to write about.
been very lax at updating myself on the events.. since I last went home in June. and now it's almost Jul end and I have not been there. nor online here
lots of events happened in this time.. not in any particular order but what i was impacted by were
a. Michael Jackson dies.. 26th June 09 I think

b. rains are very late in India, Bombay, Indore.. it started since 10th Jul almost.. 14th to actually start pouring.

c. water cuts started in bombay, i was at one point in time wondering what happens if there is no rain this time.. and it was a scary thought... was updating FB with my thoughts then

d. amma and bujju are not getting along well so I think.. or feel and hear.. part of it is bujju too but being the senior, amma has a bigger part to play in this..
i remember, last time when i was there, in June, I watched amma give bujju that look.. when she was eating.. and the way she talks sarcastically with her.. not sure why this is happening what are the insecurities she has.. but the situation for bujju could not be any better...
her situation impacts the baby in her.. and i am just hoping of all hopes that the emotional fear inside her does not take any indirect impacts on the baby

amma is totally not reasonable i think. she still considers her own ways to be perfect and without flaw and she thinks everyone else is not upto her mark..
she has kept this equation in her favor for pappa does not have any other choice but then they have not resolved their behaviour problems as I see them either

e. Shanu called, had a talk with him, on his 35th birthday...
boy has he also not grown....

he said how he feels about the guilt he has been going through of all the past we have been through.
he said it openly, that he cried when he thought and realised how he had been sarcastic in his comments in the past, and how he wish he didn't say them
but i didn't tell him how bad even i felt and how even i have cried thinking about how i treated him.. all because of lack of knowledge of the impact of my behavior then.. but then maybe he will come back and live in India for whatever time he feels like.. and I hope sure he will come soon. .. for he is very much missed here

and he was commenting about how I did not tell him about bujju and the baby.. for which I had no answer bt I wanted to surprise him.. but amma didn't think it was worth the surprise

f. dadar house is on the block.. to be pulled down but the 5 brothers are fighting it out.. for the eldest one wants his share in the house...
another of the topics i discussed with shanu... and also how shruti acted up when she was here... courtesyless person.. psychology student..
big deal

g. work has been sucking me in some form.. there have been no concrete work but excel sheet updates continuously..
no skil improvement
my MBA is suffering BIG TIME and I Am BEING VERY IRRESPONSIBLE ABOUT IT..
as soon as i am back, i get online and stay here for ever...
I hate it when I get to bed late, and ask Bajrangbali to help me but I am not helping myself...
I am hating myself for this but I am not able to get down to fixing up my mind either and focusing on the studies... and now I have only 15 days left for the exam
4 months!!!!! just gone and I studied NIL!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am hating myself not enough to correct myself...
I used to brag about all these teachings of Stephen Covey, delayed gratification and all.. and here I am, just the anti of what I used to believe and practice so often till 2004...
is it age? it is marriage? actually I think it is this insecurity of the future, about wasting my past not saving enough, and carrying it into my present..
screwing up my present too..
God!! I need help to stop this and plan things quick and implement them quicker.. please HELP!!!

h. paid off 1.2 lac for home loan
8.75 still pending, and i need to get into a better state to pay that off sooner... somehow
have finally decided to get it on with the financial planner but she too is in her own world, and I am not mustering enough courage to get myself into a shape to talkto her and get started with it.
markets are see sawing and I am clueless how I am to use the money I have for now, and the future
have so many pending things that being online, I end up doing nothing about it...
- home makeover
- vehicle purchase
- Indore repair overseeing
- Amma's operation
- Pappa's health checkup - shoes and hearing aid
- SHCIL demat conversion
- Tanishq
- baby's upcoming functions and I am scared to think of these either for I don't want to mess up things; and i am feeling embarassed about how i will conduct these in the first place; i don't know why but this is how i have been and i need to CHANGE
I keep lecturing bujju to change herself.. but where am I!!!
- this house seems small with the baby in, will need to keep a bai for her, will need to have someone cook, and all that, where do I get the money for all this... and what will happen to my savings and all.. that's what is worrying me.. and i am not doing anything about it but just sitting numb.. online
idiot!!
- clothes to buy
- sofa to buy
- dining table and computer table to buy

so many things... so much wastage of time!!!

i. today bujju said that the doctor mentioned the baby is a very active one.. happy thought.. but scared too in a way .. what will the baby turn out to be.. interesting times these..
bujju had been off and on worried about her swellings in the leg and fingers but it is just anxiety of a new mom... and she probably understands that but I get worried
the baby has been kicking... since my last June visit.. and this time, when I go on 19th, it might be a real feeling for me too...
wow!!!! I can't wait to talk to the baby.. and hope some kind of gyan to filter into it's developing brain... watched some NatGeo series on womb development.. some amazing nature that is
it's week 30 of the baby!!!
10 more weeks to go!!!!!!!!! and life will never be the same again

if bubbu reads these later in life... what will (s)he think??

j. we have been thinking up names. I have been writing emails to bujju from office so that could be used in this blog for the periods i have missed writing..
but yes, names are now making rounds and I need to ask Pappa and amma also about this and see what they think

k. Mohan Pothan's house was attacked... I was shocked
there are SMS's from pappa which i need to blog about.. date wise.. soon

l. Pranjal's China project got a bad jerk.. seems he was cheated by the chinese guy...
he plans to sell off his plant now and focus on the construction area... lets hope he does better this time around
Pramod Sahu has been suddenly getting a little curious...
sticky ....

more to come
more to come...