Been another long while that I have had the inclination to write though there is an urgent need to express for all that is happening around me

 

The rains were in a way delayed but somehow since Jun 10^th they were supposed to be in, came in around the 15^th or so – the Monday of the 14^th it began raining with a very hot and humid weekend before that

I remember how I was praying for it to rain that weekend…

 

Today a similar situation is present in Indore when I spoke to Amma/PAppa

They said it is hot humid, the cooler is still running 24 hrs… hope it starts raining this weekend there…

 

Coming to the key area of expression… bubbu has been a darling all along and she is all the more endearing with every passing day

She has been through a few bouts of ups and downs -

Bubbu has started responding in her own hmmm hmmm manner and started communicating her thoughts to us

Has started doing this since around the 2^nd week of June.

It’s very interesting how these small milestones get missed in the daily rush of the day

Her mom is always with her and knows when the baby has done something new but for me, sitting at office, when I go back home, I hardly get to notice these things till I spend an extended period with her.

That’s how I noticed how she had begun taking support of the French window frame and started standing up – on the last week, I think it was on 19^th that I saw this though she would have been doing it almost a week or so before this date

 

Similarly, she has since started responding, it’s been about a week or so that this I noticed.

I started noticing this when I returned home in the evening and as the door opened and I acknowledged her, she used to express her happiness by shaking her legs and making happy sounds.

After that, over the last week, noticed that she began expressing herself through sounds as though seeking approval, indicating her interest and things which make you want to make her express herself better.

The way the mind works in these developmental stages is amazing.. I just wish I am able to share as much time with her as possible and also get her to learn things quickly at this age.

 

Her 9^th month onset has got her to take her measles vaccination. today being the 5^th day, the doc advised 10% kids show feverish symptoms between the 5^th and 12^th day.

Let’s hope she is in the 90% sample space. Another noticeable thing of hers is her keen interest in inspecting all corners of the house walking on her fours.

It’s an interesting space she creates for herself.. ambling like a tiger would, it’s an interesting thing to watch.. how she paces herself and puts her palms gingerly on the floor… as though expecting something else to come up from the floor…

So many other things have been missed by me… to record chronologically… though there are those random videos I have taken, but the major part of her growth happens in the day, when her mom is with her and in the hectic schedule, she does not feel inclined to shoot such memorable videos.

 

However, I hope I can put these memoirs online sooner than later to keep tabs on what our past and feelings were when we read these again later – a few years later maybe!!!

Interestingly, the vaccination Prevenar, whose impact began from 4^th April has brought about some key changes in bubbu.

Unfortunately, I don’t remember if we went with a negative bias towards the vaccination, the injection or the doctor, but there was some negative bias towards the doctor for charging 4K for one injection.

This is unfolding in front of us today, since the last 4-6 weeks have been in a way traumatic to bubbu.

She has been subject to severe bouts of cold, high fever, cough, restlessness and hence to medication like Crocin drops, Nutrolin B, and Powergyl which  I wanted to avoid at all costs…

Unfortunately, things that we want to avoid come back to haunt us. – always -  a big lesson to keep in mind. Just as Amway happened, just as what Bujju says, her being pulled into a situation where she has to maintain the whole house on her own.. things like these…

So better to accept things as they come in the first go.

So bubbu is as of today, after about 6 doses of 15 drops of crocin and one shot of Zupar syrup is without any fever.

Last night, 18-5-10 was very torturous for her as she was constantly whimpering with high fever and lack of any proper rest.

I sit in the A/C in the office and forget the humid hot temp. outside and at home that they have to constantly bear.. just like I have to once I go back home or on weekends.

So now that bubbu has these symptoms of viral fever, the cause that has been ascertained is her new found freedom – of crawling all along the space of the room.. licking up the floor, sucking her hands that roam all over and thus injesting herself with viral sources.

She has been crawling by dragging herself forward on her hands and tummy and not yet on her fours.

But this important growth milestone – achieved as on 7^th May 10 – probably has a lesson for us, to keep the floors clean and tidy for her, though being in Bombay, the heat, the need to keep doors and windows open, the dust flowing in freely… all a major cause for all these issues – can’t be totally avoided either.

I just hope she builds resistance to all this sooner than later.

Homeopathy is the way to go for her and bujju and I hope I can take them to the doc this weekend

So with the current period of severe project shortage and of course funds shortage, the market going bonkers with Europe, Greece crises and Germany banning some short trading.. the Maharashtra monsoon being expected earlier than stipulated, though totally at the mercy of the winds of fortune, and again the typhoon Laila building up on the eastern coast as of today, we are in really trying times… not yet in dire straits.

Bubbu has to grow up through these trying times and make the best of her abilities which we will help her grow with. Somehow I think India needs to change drastically and bubbu should be part of a more developed and mature nation than here… for her better future health and well being.

Anyways, the situation with bubbu currently is she will get up on her legs shortly, maybe another 15-20 days or a month max. then there will be more fun!!!! We need to change, I need to get the car soon though funds will be a crunch… have to plan this very well but mind is not in control!!!

Bubbu, you rock!!! Always!

Baby-Log

Bubbu’s growth pattern improved in the 7^th month after she came here to Bombay.

Over the last 3 days – since 4^th May 10, she has been saying her first so called sound – tatatatata.. the soft ‘t’

She started sleeping on her side since the 3^rd week of March

She started getting up on her arms since she came here in March ‘10

And to get on those arms, she used to flex her legs while lying on her back – raise them up and tense the muscles of her thighs and calf – flexing them to build strength in them to help her support when she on her stomach…

She started her attempts to stand on all fours in the 1^st week of April ’10 and by the 2^nd week, she has been really good at being on all fours and rocking her body back and forth..

Today, she is able to get on all fours, rock herself back and forth and when she goes back, sits on her haunches though supported by her hands on the floor…

She has been over the last 3 weeks supporting her body on her head and raising her legs to a full stand – inspiring me to think of baba Ramdev and his Aasana..

It’s an interesting process.. how the baby brain makes her body take these steps..

Her observations of her mother are amazing.. she keeps looking at her mother for anything and everything.. her mother’s voice where ever she speaks from, immediately gets her attention and she turns in that direction..

In the last 2 weeks of March, bubbu had started blowing making the sound bbbrrrrrr between her two lips.. spitting out in the process… enjoying the whole process.. prior to this she had for a couple of weeks, taken to doing ‘haw haw haw haw’ which I am not sure where she picked up from.

Her fixation for sucking her upper lip sticking her tongue out is still on… though it seems to be less now in her waking time and more in her sleep… when she probably feels hungry… bujju says this is probably to do with some instinct that comes from something related to the basic sexual instinct/the instinct of wanting something.. have not paid much attention to this but anything is possible… right?

So bubbu today is 7 months and 37 days old. She smiles when she wakes up, she does her morning system cleanup within 30 min of her waking up – a habit which her mom says is inherited… but she has her daily pass of at least 2-3 more rounds.

She ate her first idli today 7-5-10 which she seems didn’t like as much

She has been given her 2 vaccination injections in Bombay on 3^rd Apr and 30^th Apr – Prevenar

She had fever after her first injection – probably because I applied a little too much ice to her thigh.. she has ever since been eating less and cries as soon as she gets off her sleep… when she is hungry.

If she has slept with her stomach full, she will wake up smiling.. else will be very cranky

She is being given night bowl of pudding since 2^nd week of April and milk only in the night..

Fed her through bottle for the first time in the 2^nd week of April and she easily took to the bottle at night in her sleep – probably ‘cos she was hungry and since then, she is being fed on bottle in her sleep… which I hope does not lead to some kind of habit later till we stop this from the 1^st year onwards

She has been getting off the pram chair almost since April end and now she gets half way down with her legs, and her torso on the chair and pushes it around the room… delightfully enjoying it till she starts feeling the discomfort due to the twisted position.. took her video yesterday doing this…

She does not like to sit in that chair anymore and now that she has figured a way out to get off it, she wants to sit and eat.. so got to look for a chair for eating time

Have been taking her down in the complex since the last month or so.. off and on… she has to be exposed to others in the area so that she does not fear strangers… and is comfortable getting adjusted to people..

Had missed writing all this over the last 6-8 months since she was born…

And given the project allocation issue.. here I am again using my time to get my thoughts out on the blog… for her to read when she can and feels like..

All these details might get sketchy for me to later tell her.. given I don’t remember things too well as much as I want to.. bujju might remember these more than me.. the woman feels everything she does and hence it lasts in her head.. and heart.. I don’t I guess do both ?!

blog for days gone by

Been a long time I actually wrote something sensible here for you.

My schedule has been very erratic lately

I was in Indore till 28^th Sept completing 14 days there

Then I came back to Indore for the long weekend from 2^nd to 4^th Oct and extended it by one day – all by chance and realizing in that chance – that it was bujju’s birthday on the 5^th.

So left back to Bombay on the 5^th.

It’s the 9^th today

 

There has been a constant struggle to have a decent maid who can do good work for the maalish and to wash your clothes.

The maid who was taken up for your maalish turned out to be an idiot of sorts – as thick skinned as she looks – for she was more interested in sitting on the couch, sitting on the bed and all than actually getting to do the work she is supposed to be responsible for – giving you a good maalish and exercise your growing body

 

Unfortunately, this is the fact and reality that to go find someone like that who is responsible towards the baby and her well being are few and far between and even if one is available, she would not be available within the range of where we live… so this was one constant struggle that we have been having, esp. amma since she has to take up this whole responsibility of handling things with respect to you and your mommy…

 

Unfortunately, there was not much help from anyone else who came to stay with us and so amma and pappa are struggling to make things work. I am sitting here and typing away while they work hard to make things happen.. I just sit here and talk while they do the actual work to make things a success

 

Coming back to what you have been keeping us busy, yesterday your mummy sent me an sms that you were awake till 3:30 in the morning and then slept off till only 5am

Not sure why you were so restless.. we can’t decipher what you think, what you want how much you want, whether you want to say something specific.. but we are only going by intuition.. and if are able to see you wetting your bed we know you cried for indicating that.. if we don’t find you wetting your bed, we know you are hungry… how simple a logic but still we think of all other possibilities and make ourselves feel unable to help you…

 

But you are one heck of a restless girl.. you have some good kicking power and you have used your legs effectively to get yourself moving around in the womb.. though you could not – or the doctor could not get you to come out on your own using your legs.. but lets hope you can be trained to use your legs sufficiently in life to move forward either swimming or cycling or running…

I spent a good deal of time with you in the 14 days trying to know you but here I am very restless and wonder what you might be learning or picking up when you stare around where you lie. I am sure your brain must be picking up lots of signals through all your senses and making up a pattern for you to live through but I feel how important that function of your brain is… that makes you a unique person absorbing all the signals which we adults are so ignorant of, and then help you pick up these as traits to demonstrate later in life…

 

I feel very restless here without you and I want to be with you but you at this age of just 26 days are not capable of understanding my emotions.. let alone your own.

On the 21^st day of your life, that was the 4^th of Oct 09, you were taken to the Balaji temple at Chhatribaug and it was a rainy day then

The rains had begun a day before and the weather was very cloudy for those 2-3 days when Andhra and Karnataka were also deluged with flash floods.

You had soiled your diaper and we changed it in the temple around 7pm just when the Veda-learning students were preparing to begin their veda pathanam.

The priest had remarked that we should nto have brought you out of the house so early for they in their community didn’t bring out kids till they were 2 months old.

Well so much so for learning about people’s practices.

 

I wish I could be with you through the next 3 months and live every moment of yours with you

I have recorded some of your movements but I am not sure how soon they will change and I want to record a lot more..

 

You have this wonderful way to turn to your right and watch the bed from that angle trying to do I don’t know what.. but you have also been a very quiet girl in a way ‘cos you don’t make a lot of fuss.. except when you are hungry.. I want to understand your deeper mind but no one has really been able to do that yet, so I am no superman to do that either.

 

I write this to express myself to you so that when you grow up, you might - MIGHT - M I G H T get a chance to read what all your dad went through when you were barely in a cognitive mode.. but then who knows if you get the time and interest to do it or not… most often, I also don’t feel like writing so then you are but just a bundle of senses till you are about 10 or so.

 

Well there is much other to write I think, but I end up writing only so much and then the rest gets dissipated….

It is Diwali this time on the 17^th – Naraka chaturdashi and Lakshmi Pooja on the same day

I plan to leave office at 5pm and get to the bus stop at Vikhroli to get to you for Diwali day.

I hope you will be able to stand the Diwali crackers sound and we will try to keep you safe as much as possible.

 

 

Well as your mother had wished, for your 21^st day, we didn’t do the following things

-       Put you in a cradle

-       Get you black bangles and tie the black thread around your waist

-       Get you into a new dress and also put the black eyemarkers to your eyelids

Your mom had told me upfront that since she had sacrificed so much for herself she didn’t want to do that for you, but well, we started off with minimalistic things for you.

Even your cradle has been put up only on the 25^th day when Pappa tied up some cloth as he told me on the phone.. let’s hope you are able to find such makeshift arrangements ok for you for now since you don’t make too much of a fuss anyway.

I hope we as parents can meet up your expectations in the times to come.

I close this note with more and more blessings and love for you and hope to write in Amitabh Bachchan’s blog also about you.

So with the best of wishes for you and hoping to see you so soon…. Lovingly yours… <whatever you will learn to call me>

week 3

you are to be 3 weeks old on 5th Oct...
wOw 3 weeks passed already since the day you came into our world and we are all coping with your ways of life..
i came back from Bombay for the 3 day break 2nd-4th Oct
4th Oct you complete 21 days actually.. so we will officially go to the temple then.. with you.
your first temple visit

there have been things i have been reading up about how to interact with babies like you.. how parents are supposed to cope with them, what parents need to unlearn to learn new way..
but i am there in bombay and you all are here, and what i tell is not easily understood by all.. esp. your mom needs to understand these.. and i hope she will be able to give the right approach to bring you up.. so u grow up more aware and more knowledgable..

we all hope for the best
there is still confusion over your name..
i hope i can put it to rest soon..

contemplative you

Hi Bubbulu
i am writing to you on 29th Sep 09, the day I returned back to Bombay to resume work but my thoughts were always with you and everyone else at Indore.
I am for some reason attached to that place and now the attachment has grown very strong
I need to go back there and do things on my own, but I am very very skeptical on how to start and what to take off from.

But these have been perpetual thoughts, like I have been caught in a whirlpool and am just rotatinng in that same loop all along

The day you were born, the look on your face was like- where the hell have I landed...
I have been thinking about the soul in you that you bring with you, the day that soul actually would have awakened and felt the things around yourself trying to figure out where are you and what are you doing there... i await that day when I can have a conversation with you

I wonder over the last 14 days, I have bserved you in different moods, most often that of a crying baby hungry for food or basically wetting your nappies, but the other mood fascinates me, when you have your eyes wide open and move your hands and legs aimlessly for me it seems, but for some purpose that your brain defines for you...
I have seen you stare blankly, and I wonder what you might be thinking, if you ever did in those times, and what makes you look like that.
You have some interesting expressions on your face and I have kissed you for the first time on 28th itself, lest I miss out on the opportunity to kiss your pretty features, though with some apprehension that my kiss might defile you in some way...
but I did, and I have taken away even that sanctity off you.

there are times over the last week when I have shaken you, I have tapped hard on the underside of your feet just to see how you react, and taken some pleasure in it, sadistic should I say??? which I now feel was wrong, but I did that wrong..
I see you dosing off to sleep while feeding, which doctors say all babies do, but maybe it's the situation in the house or my impatience that I had to force things.. I promise I will never ever do that ... nor will I ever lift my hand over you out of frustration...
I am hoping I will be able to write to you more oftener, especially asking you what your thoughts would have been in thse days, but alas, its difficult to figure out for anyone what such innocent babies are designed to 'think' and contemplate about though your expressions are pretty seriously contemplative.

you were Thus named

yesterday 24-09-2009 was the 11th day of your birth.
11th day is the day of purification
birth of a child is equivalent to the death of a person

the house needs to be purified after the birth on the 11th day

so we had punyavachanam and along with that pappa also 'enforced' or bulldozed, so to say, the namakaranam ceremony..
i was more curious to know about the process, how the naming is to be done based on star and date and rashee, but it turned into an immediate implementation.

Vaadyar mentioned that on 14th Sep 09, which was 5 days before NavRarti started, between 1000-1015 was Kanya Rashee, Punarvasu nakshtram, dashami, after the full moon. and that your name should start with the sounds ra ri rae ru..
we were listing some other names, to start with S to mix into the family set of names.. so I had listed out names like
Shambhavi -which amma had suggested -refering to some Shambhu Rani in her family
Sudarshana -which I suggested refering to your countenance, nice to look at (su darshan, also alluding to Lord Krishna's weapon, and thus to the Vaishnava sect connection of bujju's taste)
Katyayini - for 24th was the 6th day of Navratri belongs to Katyayini form of Durga
Shashwati -the name just popped into my head so thought can consider it, and also thought of the 'modern form' of longer indian names - Sasha - which might be useful later in passports, or when you interact with the world of today's and your times, long names might be a problem...
and there was the name Tattva/Tattvam that I long wanted to consider.. as I thought it out way back in June or so, some different name to the rigmarole of names we read..

but then all those names got wished away in a way when the letter of choice was R, and thus pappa had his thought of naming you after his mother, RamaLakshmi, which in a way is the tradition too... to name the child after someone elder in the family or some god's name.
the other things i needed to write about are:
your vaginal bleeding
your first 'food' on 24th as part of namakarana
your first set of cries
our sleepless nights since 17th when you got back home, our inabilities to understand your needs but figuring out intuitively about your cries meaning hunger, cleaning etc.
your first set of smiles.. came from some kind of dreams you have been dreaming.. or some sensations that makes you smile.. or what we in our human terms know as smile.. you are still in a divine world where all you probably think of is your sensations of intake and outgo...
but it seems you are in a world of your own, your smile conveys that you probably are understanding some things but your blank looks say otherwise...
i don't know what kind of thoughts you go through but they are surely very special for me to imagine you are enjoying them

you have developed this interesting habit of crying unless someone lifts you to feed you.. and you have started distinguishing the male from the female.. for you seek food even when the bai who comes to wash you lifts you.. while when i lift you, you start crying..
how the mind works..

lets hope you get the time to read these thoughts of your dad when you are old enough to understand what we are going through today.. and what you are for us.

i shot some video's of you inyour different moods.. will upload them to youtube once I go back to work from Tuesday 29-09-09.. will miss you in those days of work but I hope there is a chance I can get back to meet you oftener... or work from here itself.

the video of you being bathed, after a massage might help you understand what as a baby you went through then, and how it turned helpful for you.
you have been crying a lot for the last 2 days when someone lifts you.
we thought it was some kind of a pain but maybe it is just that you are so hungry...

your mom is nowadays busy feeding you, cleaning you and resting in the room, for she is in a way under house arest.. or should I say room arest.. she is not supposed to enter the kitchen as suggested by amma, for the doctor has adviced 6 weeks since 21-09-09 of rest for her stitches to heal...

i spoke to pranjal today, and as per his belief, the babies born during Shraddh period before NavRatri are some ancestors in their new avataar.. now that pappa named you after my Paati, grandmothter, and that you keep one eye of yours closed, by design or habit, I am reminded that you are probably her..
I didn't get to know her well then.. lets see if these predictions really hold ground in any way... for Pappa named you after her..
that nomenclature is another controversy which no one wants to talk about.. though i need to put your name down in the birth registration form and i am still wondering what name do I put in there...
R. Tattva-Shashwati or R. Tattva Shambhavi for R. is stuck to you by tradition of the naming ceremony.

confused by my flow of thoughts??? they are just flowing and i write here.

lots of other thoughts to share for the period I am in Indore, before my days of work beckon me to Bombay where you will eventually be soon... though I want you to be here with grandparents and get to share their love and affection too...
let's hope things go all well and good for all..

so my baby, this is the 12th day of you on this planet.. and I am still to come to terms with how I can help you be a very stress-free individual... so help me god!