since the last time I was here to share my thoughts with you, lots have happened...
you have grown up, you have started speaking words as we grown ups know them
you have learned gestures that only you would have learnt
you have fallen more than a dozen times on your head, once split your chin (2nd Apr 2011), once you fell and split your lip (last week of Jul '11) and a few other times when your forehead and back side have taken the hit...
you have cried, I have felt deep anguish to have you go through these falls - for no fault of yours at all...
and I regret each moment.. yet never have been able to get prepared for the next moment..
incidents have happened that you would know once you understand their meanings...
my brother got married on Mar 22nd in the US in a registrar of marriages to a US/Canadian citizen
he had a very long relation with the lady and broke the news 2 years back, and finally this year decided to get into it..
my Ramaa atta - Babumama's wife lost her life in a freak accident - either she jumped off the bus in order to get down at her last stop, or she slipped and fell when the driver intimidated her from getting down... don't know which but it was very very tragic
it has put some breaks in the way life was going on...
your birthdays are very important but ...
a. your first birthday was not celebrated as per your mom's wishes...
i have had a grudge with her being late in all her thoughts and decisions but it probably is due to a variety of reasons on which there has been no control...
nevertheless, I did'nt want your birthday to be grand till you realised the meaning of the birthday - say by 5 years, but your mom said that kids do ask about how their parents celebrated their birthdays when they were younger..
unfortunately, I never knew about birthday celebrations till I Was about 10 or so.. so I didn't realise what I was missing nor related to what others feel about birthdays..
b. your second birthday is round the corner but this sad event has put some plans to disarray...
more about this event later
more about other things too - later when I get to 'focus' on writing to you
you are loving the movie Jungle Book and all it's characters
you have started yelling 'Bageeiiaaaa' and some other interesting ways of saying the names of the characters which I want to record and add here but unable to do so due to lack of time, the right tools and mainly focus to do these...
i want you to know what you were then and how you are here when you are reading this...
I want it to be a 100% effort on my part but such is life when one doesn't have sufficient support network, and one within is not sure how to go about some tasks...
that's me and your mom - we were never able to decide... on time and the right things
however, that should not deter you from growing up learning better ways...
the other thing that bothers me is that my anger, my reaction to your mom's way of being (slow) have affected your sensibilities about anger too
you get angry very fast, and it's like a hairline trigger
one thing you don't get and the next min you started pointing a finger at me/your mom.. just like I used to do...
you picked the anger and finger-pointing damn fast since you were about 18 months old... that's about 7 months before I wrote this
let me see how I can put things in perspective when I get to the next post... I hope I can and will do it..
and Happy Independance day - 64th event after India got free of British rule...
but I am hopingn by the time you read this, India would be in a better shape some way, has at least given you a good education, a good life and a good set of values which you will cherish in life...
I hope of all hopes that you are happy and safe when you read this...
love you lots paapu... bubbu... daalu... daidu...muddu....
